MIRAGE OF HAPPINESS


Have I really lived life, happy?

…

Looking up my screen; swamping with buzz;
Notifying my ego; that I were loved
Looking ‘High-class’; that was some spaz
For, I had:
Lost touch with self;
lost touch with family;
Lost touch with friends
Basically, Everything!

All the amazing smiles
Exhibiting life, now seems lifeless
 For all the amazing arts of happiness –
The singing, dancing and hanging out
Felt unfulfilling;
Felt lifeless;
And less of importance

Now, I am so consumed
With rage and lament of past events
– a broken heart and pale memories of a dying dream
The fall of my friend hunts me; day in and night
In my lonely nights, I cry
I missed you and your kind
But not like I’ve felt for a fallen brother
I sang him a dirge and now I feel victimized
I had to account for his loss – my demise 


I was gay any day
But now I’m grey, anyway
Gloomy and shadowy
Trying to fit in;
At home; school and space
Where everyone could fit in perfectly
I am insecure – scared of commitments
My feeble heart cannot live in fantasies of my beautiful mind
I have been living abstract
Just to distract my focus from the pain

Maybe I try so much
Maybe I love too quick
And probably dream too big
Expectations killing me softly in my unawares –
Pleasing everybody but myself, unhappy.
Have I lived?
For all I ever wanted was to be happy…

Maybe someday I’ll but until then
I will fake a smile and walk through the tunnel of darkness
For there’s hope within the sewers in which I walk
For this mirage will stand not the test of time
I see the light!
I will get there soon!  

Written by -PACESETTER 
https://myemotionswrite.wordpress.com/2018/03/07/mirage-of-happiness/


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